So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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