It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
