I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
