I got chris browned last night
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
