Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I need to sanitize my soul.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize