i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
