I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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