I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
