At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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