i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
