I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Randomize
