Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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