I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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