I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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