I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
