so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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