Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
