It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize