you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
