That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
