i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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