Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My feet surprised me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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