She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
