yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
