I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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