So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
