wanna go halves on a baby?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I can't turn off my feet"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
