There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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