i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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