okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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