I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
