Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
