what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sorry about my life...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
