Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
