Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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