dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
