I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize