Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
