I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
