at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
