i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
