Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize