I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
