her vagine was all disorganized.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
