someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
