Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
