before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize