Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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