So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
