some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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