Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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