Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize