Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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