Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
