he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
