Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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