imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
