I skipped work to stalk him.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
