I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
