Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
