a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize