Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
