Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
