I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
This house was built for laser tag.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
