im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
