K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
When did angry sex become our thing?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize