I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The uberlube is also flammable
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
