I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
