Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
