I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
