He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
