If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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