apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
