I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
