I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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